Dear Preston,

Dear Preston,
Today I am 35 weeks. It's such a joy to have made it this far. I am so anxious for your arrival. I know at this point it's still best that you bake a little longer, but i can't wait for you to be in my arms to hold. I have wanted to write you a letter. I want you to know EXACTLY how loved and special you are. You are a dream come true.

On Christmas day 2010 we left my parents house. We wanted to get home as soon as we could because we knew something was going on. I was 3 days late, I am NEVER late... i'll explain that more later on in life ;) We stopped by walgreens and picked up a pregnancy test. I was so scared, terrified, happy, nervous, anxious, and did i mention scared? Your daddy and I knew from day one we wanted a family. We were expecting an older brother or sister for you, but Heavenly Father neded them more than we did, and took her/him back. We were so sad, i felt so lost. But we knew we would be blessed with another child. I took the test and it was positive. I left the bathroom and your daddy was waiting on the bed. I know he was so scared also, more for me. He didn't want me to hurt anymore. I looked at him, not wanting to smile, and walked to the kitchen. How do i tell him? What exactly do i tell him? I just told him to get the test and look for himself. We were so happy. This was going to happen!

The excitment suddenly stopped. What if you were taken from me too? I could't handle that. We went to the doctor that monday! He saw me without insurance. He wanted this for us as mush as we did. He confirmed. 4 weeks pregnant! That began a long road of sleepless nights, stressful days, and praying for the best every second of the day. Dr. Rhodes gave us goals. i made every single goal. It was looking better and better. Your daddy was at every single appointment, holding my hand, kissing my forhead, and telling me everything was ok. That YOU were ok. I'm sorry if you've felt all that stress. I just love/d you more and more as each day passed. I was still so scared i could lose you. BUT i also knew you are a fighter. You are already so strong and you always comforted me with your kicks. You made mommy feel ok. You made me feel so loved.

Everything was looking so great. You were growing fast and strong. Because i am diabetic they always checked on you. They took more test than a healthy pregnant woman. It was nice seeing you grow all the time. But i would have taken less picures of you, knowing you were perfect, than being on constant watch because of what MY disease could do to you. The doctors wanted to do an Echo of your tiny little heart. That is when we found out you had.. i say had because i have all the faith that when you can actually read this, it will be gone...that you had VSD. Ventricular Septal Defect. Which basically means a hole in your heart. They found 2. We won't know exactly until you are born, but you have so many people praying for you. We know you will be fine.

In less than 5 weeks you will be in my arms. We have waited for you. You are our miracle. We have your own room ready for you. It's full of everything you will need and more. You have tons of material things, nice pretty things for you to look at. But what you are so blessed with is LOVE. You have your mommy (me) and your daddy. You have my mommy and daddy, they already spoil you more than we do! Grandpa Ayala asks about you EVERY SINGLE DAY! Anytime i am around him he rubs my belly (you) It's never about me anymore. It's always you. How's Preston? Is Preston hungry? I got this for Preston. Grandma Ayala is the same way. She does take care of me a little more because i'm her baby! You also have 5 first cousins! You were with one already, Anjel. The one you were named after. I'm sure your going to take after him ALOT! Then there is Daniel, and Lassette, then Cruz and C'era! They are so excited for you to come! They will be more like your aunts and uncles. I helped raise them, now they will help raise you. You also have Monica, my sister. I wish you could be around her in a better situation, but she will love you just the same. You also have another set of grandparents. Papa also asks about you all the time. He came all the way from oklahoma to your babyshower, gave us tons of clothes, and that beautiful swing your going to love! Your step-granny Shawn will also give you tons of love. Then your daddys sister, Robin. I hope y'all are close. Then you have grandma Ronna . She loves you, just loves different... we will take that relationship step by step. You are so loved all around. We will try our hardest to give you all the things we didn't have, but we know you will always be so full of love, full of family. I hope we still enstill in you that family is the most important thing in this world. Without that and God, you have NOTHING.

Faith. I will never shove religion down your throat. I will give you the stepping stones to make your own decision and hope you make the best decision. I grew up catholic. Your daddy grew up LDS. I converted to the LDS church when i was 20 years old. It was the best decision i made, and i want you to make that decision on your own because otherwise it'll never be real to you. only something that mommy and daddy did. Your grandma and grandpa weren't mad at me for converting. They opened their arms wide to it. They saw the change in me. They are still catholic and i'll never take that away from them. My daddys faith is so amazing to me. If it wasn't for his faithfullness in the trials we had i wouldnt be the strong woman i am now. Faith is faith, no matter what the religion. Thats my personal opinion but that's what ive seen in my own life. We WILL raise you in a church. You WILL know God's love. You WILL know our faith and our testimony and i hope one day you will have a testimony of your own. You are a child of God, and you are our miracle.

I love you so much. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. I'm sure i will add to this letter over and over.

This is just my rough draft to my most perfect child.

Mommy loves you.